A year ago, if you asked me this question, I would have said it was a great idea. In fact, I supported the panhandling ban in St. Petersburg. Although I didn’t vote for it, I didn’t want to look at them. I was tired of my daily drive home from work each day. Right off the interstate there were a group of homeless people that gathered behind the bushes and took turns on this one corner. And each and every day, without fail, there was a man or woman standing on this corner with that dreaded cardboard sign.
Each day I saw a person on that corner. And each time I saw that dreaded cardboard sign, a million thoughts ran through my head.
Why should they be getting handouts when I have to work for my money?
Why don’t they just get jobs?
Why should I give them MY hard earned money?
They’re probably going to just spend it on booze or drugs anyway.
I’m barely making it as it is, why should I support someone who can’t even be bothered to put in a day at work?
Maybe I could just spare a buck… eh, he’s probably a scammer.
His shoes look too nice to be homeless.
His socks are too white, he can’t possibly be homeless.
Oh look, he’s got food, I don’t need to give him anything.
I have too many bills, I can’t spare any money.
Someone should take care of this mess.
These people are so dangerous, someone should do something about this.
Each day my resentment grew. Each day I became angrier. I never did give one so much as a buck. And for a while, I actually became proud of not giving into their scams. I laughed at the people that were so gullible. I would look away, usually checking my phone for some “important” message (probably facebook or my text messages… so much for important). I would turn to my husband and talk, pretending like I didn’t see them. I would lock the doors, whether or not I was alone. Sometimes, I would take a different route, so I wouldn’t have to see them. At other times, I would stop my truck so far back they wouldn’t have time to get to me before the light turned green. And, ironically, I thanked God whenever the light stayed green long enough for me to scoot through without having to go through my daily ritual. Secretly, I felt intense guilt.
Does any of this sound familiar?
It might not.
Today, I sing a slightly different tune. I wished I’d voted against the ban.
A while back I ran an errand. I was right next to Publix, so I decided to stop in. I’m not really sure what drove me, but I followed where it lead me. I grabbed a package of brown paper bags, and a variety of non-perishable foods. When I got home, I packed the items into paper bags, and placed them on the counter. Where they sat for quite some time. I figured I could somehow will myself past my conditioning… that if I just gave them food, I could relieve my guilt without thinking they’d just go spend the money on booze. But somehow, I still couldn’t bring myself to give the bags to them. I still had such anger. I was in the Christmas spirit, so I’d even gone so far as to put Christmas cards in the bags. It was well past Christmas before I finally gave away my first one (cards removed, of course).
After I packed the bags, I got a copy of City Dharma. It’s a GREAT book. One I think everyone on the entire planet should read. If I could buy everyone a copy, I would. But I digress. About three-quarters of the way through the book I got to the chapter on homelessness, and I almost quit reading the book. But, I didn’t. And the day I finished that chapter, was the first day I gave away the first of many Hobo bags (what we now call them).
It was possibly one of the most profound moments in my life. All because I gave a brown paper bag to a panhandler.
So what in that book was so intense that it gave me courage that day, and consequently changed my life? To be honest, I can’t say it’s any one thing. However, there was one particular section in that chapter that stood out to me. Jeon spoke about a woman that’d essentially “ripped him off.” He’d given her $20 after an intense sob story. Some time later, he’d witnessed her producing the same story – ‘scamming’ someone else. This would make anyone mad, wouldn’t it?
Instead, from that $20 “lost”, not only did HE gain so much more, so has everyone that has read that story.
Although much of that chapter is fuzzy, I recall this particular story with vivid detail. I imagined myself on that busy sidewalk, and as that woman ran up to me, I felt such anger towards her, because I just knew she was lying. It was clearly a lie. In fact, I felt kind of angry at Jeon for being so gullible. He wasn’t awake at all! Then, when he recounts watching her run off after he asked if she was really homeless, something happened in my brain. No longer was I watching a con-artist. I watched a miserable, perhaps mentally ill, woman almost dance away. She was no longer a con-artist, she wasn’t a scammer, she was a woman, that somehow had touched a point in her life that was so far from peace, true joy, and love that she preyed on the KINDNESS of her fellow man.
So in a nutshell, here are a list of the realizations that made me give my first hobo bag.
1. Kindness has nothing to do with what the person does with it once it’s been given.
2. For a person to stand on a street corner and beg for money (even to drink), it requires a loss of their spirit.
3. If a person is a con-artist, then they have given up an even greater part of their spirit.
4. Every adult on that corner was at one point a child. That child had hopes and dreams that never once involved begging for food or money.
5. Most people that are asking for help, actually need it. And it doesn’t make sense to punish the multitude for a handful of scammers.
6. Each one of those people has a story, and a name. I didn’t need to give them much to acknowledge their humanity.
7. In fact, I didn’t need to give them anything. Most of the people that had gotten to that point in their life could benefit from simply a smile.
8. By disregarding another individuals humanity, in a way I was abusing my own. I was ignoring that part of me that felt guilt.
9. Compassion cannot be scammed.
10. We, as humans, fear being made fools.
So that day, my husband and I gave our first hobo bag. We gave him the bag, learned the man’s name. He thanked us profusely, and told us his story. I won’t ever forget him. He, and each and every person we have given a bag to has taught us something. We learned that we receive so much more in return than we give. And, if a person is a con-artist or scammer, the jokes on them. We now know the truth, that we’re not gullible, we’re just compassionate.
But, more than anything, we learned that regardless of the reason for the person begging… if we are on the other side of that cardboard sign, we are blessed. Whether they have connected with their darker nature so much that they would take advantage of another person’s kindness, they have a mental illness that keeps them from functioning in society properly, or they simply did not have family and friends they could lean on in a hard time… we are BLESSED. And to share even a moment of that blessing with someone less fortunate in any respect is one of the most beautiful experiences a person can have.
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